Past and Present

When I step back into the past,

I step back into a fear that paralyzed

The never-ending search for one drop of peace

As my confused mind believed each condemning word

Felt the loneliness produced in the presence of abuse

Where there was no concept of equivalence

No healing balm for the sharp sting

Of manipulation disguised as love.

I no longer wish to look back

Dear soul, this is not an easy feat

To tame the past from seeping into the present,

But I must try, I must try.

Here and now in the present,

There is light beginning to form on the horizon

Breathing deeply for the first time in a lifetime

Pain resurfacing but not always all-consuming

Joy in small pockets, growing more abundant

In simple, profound ways beyond explanation

Support in the darkness, smiles after tears,

Peace in my heart at last

Hope in better years.

Love Heals

Love heals

It awakens our understanding

Brings us back to our authenticity

Reminds us of our treasured worth

As it mends our wounds with kindness

Until our hearts rejuvenate.

Love is not painful

It is not an imbalance of power

An impulsive anger receptacle

A vulnerable heart against a brick wall

Unkind words and projected wounds,

No, love is patient and welcoming

A safe harbor where we can rest

From the heaviness of aching.

Being You, Unashamed

Your inner voice matters

More than the external noise

More than any unsolicited opinion

More than the weight of expectations.

Your deep knowing speaks the truth

Even when it is externally contradicted

Even when they say you are misguided

Even when there is no other evidence

Than then feelings in your heart.

Trust that part of you that is certain

Without fear of what may be

Without doubting your intuition

Without giving in to defeat

Being you, unashamed

Saying what you need to say

Standing up with kind assurance

Letting the cards fall as they may.

Stillness

For a moment, we pause

From the clamor of our tired minds

Unburdening the weight of heartache

To take a long, deep breath of relief

As we listen to the soft, still voice

Of understanding and peace.

What do you know with certainty

When all of the exterior noises fade?

What do you know within your heart

To carry you through the heavy days?

In the confusion of grief and change,

We tune into the frequency of stillness

Reaching for the ever-present truth

Often forgotten in life’s pandemonium,

Of what matters

Of who we truly are

Of where we stand

Of how we have survived

And with that knowing, we can breathe

Aware that life offers us means of revival

Through our own evolved perspectives

And that still, inner voice of peace.

Seasonal Synchronicities

A poem inspired by a dark, cold, cloudy day and attempting to find the silver lining with two not-so-happy teenagers. All while decorating for the holidays. It must have been Polar Opposites Day and I just didn’t realize. 😀

When we lose our HOPE, let us remind one another

That there is warmth and love ahead, no matter how bleak.

When our hearts search in vain for the reassurance of PEACE

Let us be safe harbors of listening ears and kindest speech.

When in our desolation we do not know what to BELIEVE

Let us trust our inner knowing that will lead us to relief.

When CALM becomes a distant dream in constant juxtapose

Let us be the soothing presence that always feels like home.

When aching dulls the joy that makes our hearts feel BRIGHT

Let us shed our needed tears to make room for the light.

Alleviation

I have carried pain like invisible stones

Sometimes aware of its existence

Often experienced as a referred aching

A heaviness felt on a soul level

The weight of a thousand injustices

An accumulation of my perceived failures

Crumbled dreams piled up like debris

Harbored still because I have never learned

How to release a pain so profoundly deep.

Dear soul, I never asked to carry this

And yet I am responsible to let go

Stepping into the role of my own rescuer

A process both unfair and necessary

On this long and arduous road.

I did not realize my own readiness

Until I began to open my heart to relief

Learning to hold pain and healing together

One capable of overpowering the other

And I have habitually chased out peace

Only now accepting that I deserve

The alleviation of pain released.

Light Will Find Us Again

When the cold begins to settle into our hearts

We must cling to those days of brightness and joy

When our shoulders felt lighter, our vision focused

Remembering moments of transcendent beauty

Like small pockets of relief along a strenuous climb.

When there is no certainty of what will be,

We look for anchors to ground our tired feet

Places of shelter where we are safe and warm

Where for a brief interlude, we can rest from grief

Reassuring our hearts that the cold will pass

And light will find us again, at last.

Therapy

“I am completely lost, please tell me where to go.”

Deep down, dear soul, I think you already know.

“This pain is unbearable, I no longer wish to feel.”

Let’s look at where it stems from so you can finally heal.

“I will never be good enough for everyone else.”

When was the last time you felt good enough for self?

“Life is too hard, I don’t know where to start.”

What if you begin with what brings light into your heart?

“My mistakes are too great, I don’t deserve a happy life.”

What would happen if you choose regeneration over strife?

“People only love me if I am perfect all the time.”

When others reveal their humanness, do you feel that it’s a crime?

“You are the paid expert, tell me what I should do.”

If I offer you suggestions, would you be willing to work on you?

“I am afraid of what will happen if dare look back.”

I promise to keep you safe as we illuminate the past.

“What if I’m not ready to face life on my own?

Dear soul, in this life journey you will never be alone.

Contrast

Had I never stepped out of my cave,

I might have lived out my days in the dark

Never knowing that warmth and light existed

Beyond those cold and narrow walls,

I would have normalized the aching

Convinced it was the product of a fatal flaw

For which loneliness was my punishment

Penitence for the wayward soul.

It was intuition that awakened me,

Opened my eyes to steady deterioration

Leading me softly through a maze of stone

Until I finally discovered a safe escape

Leaving the heaviness of the cave behind

Into the welcoming embrace of a rising dawn

With a breeze at my back and hope far ahead

Led out of the dark by the contrast of light.