Oblivion

In your eyes there is a glimmer of sadness

And I will not pry, dear soul, I will not dig,

Knowing, as you know, that we must keep hidden

The desolate melodies of our human experience

When younger hearts depend upon our strength.

When the last lamps have faded into dark,

When silence swallows up the words you wish to say,

Is where I’ll meet you, dear soul, in the oblivion

As a quiet presence there with you until day.

Winter

The world outside is covered in a landscape of snow

Hauntingly beautiful, callously cold,

As if following the trajectory of my old, listless soul

Winter winds whispering songs that only I know.

There is melancholy in this season of frost

Where we wander through the bitterness, aimlessly lost

Like travelers seeking bridges we have already crossed

Reliving our pasts while knowing the cost.

There is darkness on the starless, winter road

Our eyes ever-searching for the gleam of an abode

Where our hearts may be lifted, our souls warmed

And finally we can feel again the welcome of home.

Christmas Wish

Outside the window, the world is covered in ice

But inside, there is a warm, inviting glow

A tree that sparkles while the winter storm swirls

The coziness of home to contrast the falling snow.

An aroma of baked goodies drift through the rooms

A clutter of old decorations strewn up from years past

Meager conditions bringing forth new perspectives

That love and joy are the only gifts that last.

Dear soul, if your heart is still recovering

In this season of both wonder and despair

And the pull of loneliness beckons at your door

To find another brokenhearted soul who cares

There is a Christmas tree shining in my window

Warm shelter while the world outside falls adrift

And while I cannot give presents, I offer presence

To help you heal is my greatest Christmas wish.

Forseeable

When everything is still,

I look inward for signs of life

Of joy buried deep,

Like searching for lost treasure

In the depths of a dark sea,

Will I be forever seeking

What will always elude me?

Sometimes I stumble upon joy

For a fleeting moment

Just long enough for my soul to believe

That it is safe to let light in

But I am so afraid of losing

That I get in my way, again.

Last Poem (For a Time)

Looking back, I do not know how I kept breathing

But from the grace of kind hands that held me up

I had lost all reasons to invest in believing

Except for the faith of those who saw what I could not see.

Dear soul, this is the full circle, my moment of gratitude

When I realize the miracles encapsulated in a handful of years

That healed a battered, bleeding, desperately fighting heart

With the illumination of little grains of hope through my tears.

I will not forget what brought me here

To this place of overwhelming gratitude

The way my soul was pulled by a greater power

In the dark, cold hours of sheer survival

To this warm, welcoming, healing space

That offered me the compassion of grace,

And I’ll leave a lantern shining here in the dark

In case you wander near, in case you feel lost

For souls have a way of remembering light

Even when time has passed, even when our eyes lose sight.

Unspooked

The cold is settling in, but I am not afraid

Frost and swirling snow may attempt to spook this heart

But my feet are locked into the frozen ground,

I may startle, I may flinch, but I am not going anywhere.

The bitterness of this lingering chill cannot shake me

Now that I understand my ability to withstand a jump scare.

The passing of the seasons of life will continually derail

Attempting to convince my determined soul to finally give in,

But dear soul, I cannot allow myself to disintegrate

I will not give heed to the need to freeze

I will remain unspooked time after time, again and again.

My heart is warm, my soul is an open, welcoming door

Melting away the lingering chill before it takes its toll,

Trusting that light will always find a way through fear

I will face the bitter cold with resolved, unspooked tears.

Numb

Numb senses nothing and everything at once

An acknowledgement of emotional flooding

When the brain unconsciously shuts down

To help us survive through the unbearable.

In our emptiness, we make room for illumination

Tending to our wounds before the truth sets in

Yearning for the ability to feel the missing pieces

While accepting the relief of repression.

In the nothingness, we recognize what we need

Where we have stumbled, our next brave steps,

What makes our souls thrive, what we must release

So that when our hearts finally begin to thaw,

We will no longer feel trapped in our own minds

But able to move cautiously through the resistance

Into the healing that our feeling truly brings.

The Source that Knows

When the world is cold and gray

When my lens is cloudy from the heaviness of rain

When it feels as if I am floating and not living at all

I find myself pausing in the mindless flow

To reconnect with what I innately feel

To tap into that trustworthy source that knows

To remember what it is that I keep fighting for

The peace that steadies my restless, agonized soul.

I cannot see where I am going

I walk forward without a defined destination

I trust in the source that knows the outcome

Before I give up, before I give in, before I fall.

We are lost in the tempest of melancholy and strife

We are wandering travelers without a map for our lives

We step forward only half-aware of where we will go

Tapped into the source that always knows.

The Road that Bends

At the crossroads, we pause.

Not because we cannot see the way forward

(We were never blind to what lies ahead),

But because once we step around the bend,

There is no way to wistfully peer over our shoulders

For that fleeting trace of what could have been.

Oh, dear soul, there is pain in the road that bends,

A reason why we pause when paths begin to separate,

Looking back again and again and again and again,

Hoping, ever hoping, that it is not too late,

To go back to the warmth of familiarity

When our eyes were not yet fully awake.

Symphony Falling

The sky is falling like a symphony

I can whisper my words into the rain–

The ones I have told no one

Tumbling out like a soft lament,

Grieving the things I could never say

Feelings so close but never quite conveyed

For fear of losing, for fear of receiving,

Held back only by my worried, apprehensive mind

Waiting, waiting, waiting, for an obvious sign

Missing the thousands I passed along the way.

Now the rain hears my secrets

Knowing, as I know, that I was my own barricade.