It began subtly, sleep prolonged
An innocent attempt to balance the deficit
That persisted despite the lack of tiredness
Dreaming to escape.
For a time, I ignored the heavy pull
Of thoughts, long stifled, to stop trying
But they flooded my mind, circling hope
Like vultures to prey
Consistent, persistent, calculating.
It was the blandness of food
The invisible weighted blanket
Of hopelessness, emptiness
That I carried around unwillingly
Growing heavier day-by-day.
It was the building evidence
Of failure, despite the opposite proof,
Tears channeled from seeing happiness
Without the ability to partake,
Flowing down cheeks like a geyser, erupted
Then the aftermath of anhedonia
When staring at walls, feeling nothing at all
Seemed as normal as breathing.
Depression is sinking on dry land
A hollowed-out version of existence
And those who survive
Will never truly believe their resilience
Until joy begins to thaw them out.